God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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