Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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