So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
