why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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