Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
