I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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