just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
