This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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