3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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