can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
