just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My bed smells like the plague
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
