Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
