Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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