HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
