rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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