Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
