Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
