I got chris browned last night
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
