We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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