I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
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its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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