so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
