this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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