yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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