I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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