I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
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You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
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She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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