i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize