I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
