There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
