I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
