eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
