Soap is not a condiment
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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