he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Im part way to drunk.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
