I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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