Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
