She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
