when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize