Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
