Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
