Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
