so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
