What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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