just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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