I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
