fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
