dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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