Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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