I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize