My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
