yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
