Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
