The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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