is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Randomize
