The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
