I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think people are normalizing furries
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
