this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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