why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
