What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
