nut hugger
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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