Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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