The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
