dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
