Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
