oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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