Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
