Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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