Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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