Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
