the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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