i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
