It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
