I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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