Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
