you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i need some magic done to my vagina
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
